On the struggle to not just start, but actually finish things

In February, I will be running my first Kickstarter as part of Zinequest. It is a battle royale hexcrawl and black market space station setting for the Mothership Sci-Fi Horror RPG in the form of a ~24 page half-letter zine titled “The Bloodfields at Blackstar Station". You can follow the project HERE. I mention it because it will certainly be related to a lot of the things on my mind over the coming months. It definitely fueled the spark behind this initial Missive from the MeatCastle.

Bloodfields is easily my longest TTRPG project to date (and considerably longer and more involved than the other “product” I’ve made: “The Mole on PIRAD ONE”, a pamphlet adventure). Going from 2 pages (1 page front and back) to 20+ pages requires a massive change in the way I find myself going about actually creating it.

For me, very small projects thrive on being able to be completed almost entirely within that initial passionate drive of excitement a good idea generates in me. I can write an initial draft and work on basic layout at the same time all within the first few days. I can schedule a playtest with friends that weekend, adjust, re-work some of the placeholder art/layout, and get another friend to look it over for quick edits all within a two-week period - all within that initial excitement of just creating something new and cool. This is part of the reason why I’ve done a few even-smaller-than-pamphlet projects like a class or enemy encounter for Mork Borg, something capable of being entirely finished in a single night.

With Bloodfields though, I have had to switch my mindset over to one of consistency, rather than purely passionate inspiration. Obviously that inspiration was still the spark of it, but there’s simply no way to do an entire zine-length project myself (outside of art and editing work) at the level of quality I am hoping to achieve within that short initial timeframe. So what happens when that window closes? What does the creative work still left to do become? Well, it becomes just that: Work.

I am writing this post right now mostly as a short-term means of procrastinating on the work left on the manuscript. All the big ideas I was excited about are there: an exciting hexcrawl map filled with a variety of cool environments, quick and light rules for running the arena in a way that different stories are procedurally generated for different players, weird and wacky factions that inhabit the space station, future adventure hooks, exciting intro and finale sections, etc. What isn’t there yet is… well, all the not-so-exciting but absolutely key components of the zine.

Bloodfields relies heavily on tables to make the running of the battle royale itself as quick and smooth as possible for the Warden which means I have LOTS and LOTS of tables to fill. Occasionally, a particularly good idea will strike me and generate a few minutes of furious writing, but more often than not this meat-and-potatoes writing of the zine is just simply work. It’s work I enjoy doing, much moreso than my actual work I get paid a salary for, but I find that it requires a daily diligence from me to think about it, set time aside - a bit every day if possible, and just wittle away at it. If I get 5 table entries done in a day, it’s not much but it’s something (which, as we all know, is better than nothing).

For me, it’s about reminding myself that not all work is to be avoided and some work is inherently more rewarding emotionally and creatively than other work. Living in the society that I do (the U.S. of A.), many of us here have dreadful relationships with work, both in terms of what work we need to do and how we do the work itself. It’s often the reason my brain sees work and wants to to flee, but having the zine become work doesn’t have to be a bad thing, unless I let it be. This work is one of my choosing, focused on something I love, and helping my hone skills I actually enjoy having. It’s a different mode of creation that that initial passionate drive, but there’s a calming routine to it as well. It’s a pleasure to get to see something big come slowly into shape over a number of months. “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” and all that.

So anyway, let’s get to work.

Thanks for reading all that and giving me some time away from actually doing the work! As a treat, here’s some of the mockup art I put together recently to keep myself motivated during this longer stints of the less glamorous zine-writing work.

Also, I’d love to hear from any of you out there so here’s a question: How do you find yourself shifting your style and structure of creative work to fit a project?